If Only
by LoveandLearn
Summary: This is my take on an Addek version of "If/Then." Unexpected complications arise with Addison's pregnancy when she and Derek least expect it. (Two-shot)
1. Chapter 1

Addison cringed just slightly, closing her eyes until the pain passed. She tried her best to hide it from her husband who was standing just on the other side of the operating table and everyone else standing around them. Drawing in a breath to calm herself, Addison said, "I need you to have lunch with the president of the board of the Bryson school tomorrow." she told him.

"Why are we talking about this right now?" Derek asked without even bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"Because, Derek, you're never home. You're always spending the night in that stupid trailer on that stupid piece of land planning that stupid house you're never going to build." she replied honestly, drawing in another deep breath when she felt another shooting pain in her abdomen. Her eyes immediately darted up to the monitors when the high pitched beeping went off.

"Pulse ox is dropping." Derek told her. "What did you do?" he asked, laying the blame on her without caring whether or not it was actually her fault.

"I didn't do anything. It's invading the tracheal wall." Addison insisted, hoping that was telling the truth. For a second she feared that her hand may have unintentionally slipped when she cringed in pain. "Clamp."

"We're losing her." Derek informed her.

"I'm working as hard as I can, Derek." Addison replied, doing her best not to slap at him. "You just pay attention to what you're doing." she told him, shutting her eyes tightly for a second to ride out another sharp pain.

"Look who's talking..." Derek murmured under his breath. "You're thinking about enrolling a fetus in pre-school three years from now."

"Derek, I'm capable of operating and carrying out a conversation at the same time. It's not like this is my first time in an OR."

"She's stabilizing." the anesthesiologist informed the surgeons, hoping it would stop the bantering.

The couple worked in silence from that point on, only exchanging information with one another when needed. Addison was sure that Derek never looked in her direction to see her cringe every so often. She had never been so grateful for a surgical mask. It prevented everyone from seeing her bite her lip every time she felt her child kick her varying organs.

"How are you doing? Almost done?" she asked, looking over to see what her husband was doing.

"Yeah, I got the whole tumor. I'm just checking for possible bleeding and swelling then I'll close." he replied. "You?"

"I'm closing right now." she replied, carefully working on delicate stitches along the baby's neckline.

They stepped into the scrub room together and Addison took a deep breath before pulling off her mask. She just hoped that the pain had stopped so she would no longer need a mask to hide behind. "Did you get the whole tumor?" she asked as she scrubbed her hands.

"I told you." he replied impatiently.

"I'm not asking for myself. I'm asking what I should tell the mother-"

"Just go." Derek interrupted. "I will talk to her myself."

They settled into a few seconds of silence. Addison drew in a deep breath and held onto the edge of the sink when she felt another cramp in her lower back. She kept telling herself that it was because she had been on her feet too long, she wanted to believe it was nothing serious. "So we'll talk about the pre-school-" she tried bringing up the topic again.

"It's gonna be late. I'm going to stay here and look into this clinical trial." Derek answered.

"That's great." Addison replied sarcastically. "One more reason for you to stay out of the house." And that's exactly what she knew it would be. One more reason for him not to notice that little things that made all the difference. One more reason he had to push her away. "It's fine, maybe you'll be more interested when the baby come."

Derek looked at her, doing his best not to roll his eyes and scoff. "Right. Because everything is going to be different when the baby comes."

"I..." Addison stopped, closing her eyes tightly. Derek thought it was to restrain herself from crying, what did didn't know was that it was the stabbing pain in her abdomen. "A girl can hope." she said after a few seconds.

"Nothing is going to change." he told her honestly. With a curious glance in her direction, he asked, "What do you think is going to change?"

That's when Addison found herself asking the one question she'd been dreading since she saw the positive pregnancy test. "Do you even want a baby?"

"I didn't say that!" Derek exclaimed defensively, not noticing the audience that was building up in the OR just on the other side of the glass window in the scrub room. "Of course I want a baby."

"I'm not talking about a baby. This baby, with me." She specified with great emphasis, bringing her husband to a loss of words. She turned her head away from him, the brief silence between them ended up striking another question she had been asking herself since her move to Seattle. "Do you love me?"

Derek's eyes were fixed on the floor, no answer leaving his lips. To anyone else, that would have been enough of an answer but Addison just couldn't help herself. She always had the tendency to pick at an open wound, her marriage being the perfect example of that.

"Do you?" she pushed him for an answer when he remained silent. "You know what, don't answer that. I think it's pretty clear, I don't need to hear it to know the answer."

"Of course I love you." he murmured under her breath.

"Derek, you had to look at the floor to say it." Addison pointed out quietly. "You don't have to say it, it's fine."

"I don't know what you expect from me. You asked for a second chance, I gave it to you, you got pregnant and I am trying to do the right thing. I am trying..."

Addison shook her head, unsure of how to reply to that confession. When she opened her mouth to speak a painful groan came out instead.

"What was that?" Derek asked, showing concern for the first time in a long time. "Addison.." he pressed on, ignoring the incoming page to his cell phone.

"It was nothing, I have to go." She left without another word, fleeing the room as fast as her legs could possibly carry her. She knew Derek wouldn't come after her. Despite his concern, his patients always came before her. He had to get to whoever was paging him and for the first time she was grateful that he put work before their family. She needed to be alone.

* * *

An hour and a half later, Derek was determined to find his wife. He needed to understand what was going on with her. He knew there was something that she was hiding from him but he had absolutely no idea what it could have been. He figured she was upset about the condition of their marriage, he thought maybe she was furious with him for being absent.

"Ellis!" Derek exclaimed when he stopped the chief of surgery in the hall. He ran to catch up with her and asked, "Have you seen my wife? She's not answering my pages."

"I have seen her but she asked me not to tell you where she is or what she's doing it." Ellis replied firmly. "She told me what happened between you two after surgery. She says you don't want the baby."

"I didn't mean to imply anything like that." Derek said defensively. "She took it the wrong way. That whole conversation was just completely wrong. I didn't mean for any of it to come out the way that it did."

"You didn't mean for it to come out the way it did? You mean you didn't want her to find out, in public, in front of all her colleagues that you don't want her or the child she is carrying?"

"No! That's not what I meant at all. You're doing it too! You're twisting my words."

"Derek, she may be a woman who is almost 35 weeks pregnant with hormones beyond control but I can safely say that no matter how you worded a statement like that, there is only one implication. She threatened to quit." she informed Derek, giving him a disapproving glare.

"Well, that's why I want to talk to her. I don't want things to escalate to that for no reason."

"She doesn't want to see you. The least you could do is respect that." Ellis informed. "And if she is threatening to quit, you should know that you'd be fire. You don't teach, you don't publish, you do one surgery a day, maybe two then you go off to supposedly build some house in the forest."

"Supposedly? It's not supposed. I am working on it. I want my kid to have a home. I don't want my kid growing up in that damn townhouse Addison insisted on buying."

"Your kid is almost here Derek. Unless you can finish that house by the end of the day, you failed that mission of yours. You're a neurosurgeon, not a contractor. You can't build a house in six months. You can afford to hire a team and if you had, the house would probably be done. You just use that place as an excuse to get away from your family and your job. It's all just an excuse, Derek. So if she actually tries to quit because of you, I'll throw you out on your ass before I let her break her contract. She's much more valuable to Seattle Grace than you've ever been."

"End of the day?" Derek questioned Ellis Grey's earlier statement. "Why would it need to be finished by the end of the day? I've got like 5 weeks. If I hire a contractor now, it should be finished in about a month."

"What?" Ellis asked, realizing she accidentally gave away what Addison begged her not to.

"Where is Addison, Ellis? What is going on?"

"She's in preterm labor and her doctor was not able to stop the contractions. She'd been admitted and steroids have been administered to boost the baby's lung development."

"She's in labor at 35 weeks?" Derek asked. "My wife's been in labor this whole time and no one bothered to call me?!"

"She asked us not to. She doesn't want you anywhere near her or her child."

"That's our child." Derek emphasized. "I have every right to be there."

"Can you blame her for believing otherwise?" Ellis asked before walking away, leaving him to ponder that question.

* * *

Derek paced outside of Addison's hospital room for hours. He watched her doctor go in and out every hour or so, he watched as nurses went in to check on her. Every time he asked any of them if he could go in they told him Addison did not want him in the room. He leaned against the wall beside the door and listened to his wife whimpering in pain with every contraction.

He jerked upright when her doctor walked out of the room. "Hey." he greeted the much older woman, Dr. Morton, who was the head of the department before Addison had taken over. "How is she doing?"

"She's at about six and a half centimeters so we've still got a few hours to go. You should go home and rest, you've been out here for hours, Derek."

"And miss my kid's birth? No way."

"Addison does not want you in there, Derek. You're going to miss it regardless." Dr. Morton pointed out. "I don't know what happened between the two of you. I honestly thought you two were the happiest couple I've ever met. But whatever it was, I can tell you that you should honor her wishes. Don't make her any more upset than she is. She's already going through a lot."

"I'm not going anywhere. I am going to wait out here." Derek replied. "Is Addison in any pain? Does she need anything? I don't have to be in there to help, I can get whatever she needs and someone else can give it to her. I can make myself useful."

"She doesn't need anything. She's okay." Dr. Morton assured him.

"What about support? Does she had someone to hold her hand? You know how nervous she was about giving birth. Did she call her family or Savvy or someone to come be here with her? Will they make it before she gives birth?"

"Derek..." the woman trailed off with a disapproving glance. "You know that I can't tell you anything. Doctor/patient confidentiality."

"What about the baby? Will she make it? What are her chances?"

"Addison is at 35 weeks right now, that puts the baby way passed the point of viability which drastically increases her chances of survival. We administered steroids to help with lung development. I don't foresee any major complications but I can't make any promises."

Derek nodded understandingly. "What caused this? The preterm labor?"

"Addison mentioned that she's been stressed lately. That's the only risk factor that she presented, this has been a perfectly healthy pregnancy aside from that."

Derek sighed heavily.

"Just give her space. I'll let you know when the baby is born. We'll give Addison a few minutes with her then we'll take her to the nursery and bring you in so you can meet your daughter."

"Is that what usually happens with fighting parents?"

"No, most parents tend to put the fight aside when something like this happens. I think you and Addison are going through much more than just a fight. From what she tells me, you've been separated, more or less, for a while and you're both unhappy in the marriage and considering divorce. When we've got parents in a situation like this, this is how we handle it."

Derek nodded understandingly. "If Addison really doesn't want me in there during the birth then I guess waiting out here is the only thing I can do."

* * *

So I have been working on this since the AU episode aired. For those of you that lost count that episode aired in early February 2012. A two shot that takes over a year and half is kind of insane so I'm glad that I finally feel comfortable enough to publish this. I've changed it a million times, all I knew is that I wanted Addison to go into preterm labor during that famous scrub room scene. I had a million scenarios in my head and picking one worthy of being posted was difficult. Hope you like it so far. Part two will be posted as soon.

Thanks for reading! Please, please review.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek spent all night outside Addison's hospital room. He alternated between sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall as he anxiously waited to hear of his daughter's birth. Finally, hours after midnight he was greeted by a nurse who had just stepped out of Addison's room.

"Congratulations, Dad, you've got a baby girl. 4.3 pounds, 18 inches long. 8.2 on the APGAR."

"8.2? Is she okay? Can I see her?"

"She is having trouble breathing on her own, the steroids did help lung development but she still needed some time to get there. We're going to be taking her to the NICU as soon she's stable."

"She's not stable? Did Addison get to hold her? Addison should get to hold her even if its just for a split second."

"Dr. Montgomery has not held the baby yet. The NICU team took over as soon as the umbilical cord was cut." the nurse informed him. "She'll be able to see the baby once Dr. Morton clears her. It may take a couple of days because it was a rather difficult birth."

"Addison's not going to be able to see her…" Derek repeated, disgesting every piece of information slowly.

The nurse glanced back when the door opened and smiled when she saw the team whealing out an isolette. "Here she is."

"Dr. Montgomery says her name is Riley." one of the interns on the team informed. "We're taking Riley to the NICU right now. You can come over there and stay with her, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek nodded his head and followed behind the isolette, doing his best not to look away from his daughter. She was tiny, smaller than he had expected her to be and the tubes and wires attached to her only made her look weaker. As soon as the infant was settled in the NICU Derek pulled a chair up to sit beside her and she did not move for the rest of the night. He whispered words of encouragement, telling his daughter that he already loved her more than it was possible to love anyone, telling her that he needs her to pull through this nightmare because he could not imagine life without her.

"It's gonna be hard." he admitted quietly, his finger encapsulated by his daughter's palm. "Things between me and your mom are rocky. I don't know where we're going to go from here but that doesn't mean anything. We both love you and we want the best for you. So it may be hard for a while but we'll all adjust. We'll figure it out, we always do. We just need you to be okay…"

* * *

After staying up all night with his daughter, Derek wandered back to the maternity ward and lingered outside Addison's hospital room. It took him awhile to build up the courage to softly knock on the door before poking his head in.

"Hi." he whispered, still looming in the doorway to give her the time to turn him away.

"Hi." she replied groggily.

"Can I come in?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, come on in." she said, pushing herself up in bed a little.

"How are you feeling? I heard it was a long, difficult labor and delivery."

"I'm still exhausted." she responded. "You'd think she was like 13 pounds with how I feel."

"She's just barely over four pounds." Derek said with a laugh. "Imagine if she was full term, she'd be like 7 pounds."

"Don't remind me. My vagina aches just considering that possibility. Although it would mean that our child would not be in the condition that she is in and I'd do anything to protect her."

"Addie, she's got you for a mom. That automatically makes our daughter unrealistically strong and determined. She'll get through this." he said, doing his best to provide some comfort to his wife. He hadn't been there to hold her hand through labor or birth, he hadn't provided much support or encouragement throughout her pregnancy. Trying to comfort her in that moment was the least he could do.

"Have you seen her?" Addison asked.

"I have. I spent the night sitting by her side in the NICU." he answered. "She's the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. She's small and that's a little scary but once you look passed that its just mesmerizing. She's got wisps of chestnut hair, I bet if you went without dying your hair for a while it would match your roots perfectly. I only saw her eyes for a split second but it was like looking in a mirror. I never thought my life could change so quickly but you get that first glimpse of your child and it all changes."

"I haven't seen her." Addison whispered. "I caught a glimpse of her little legs when they took her over to work on her but I never saw her face, never got to hold her."

"The nurse told me you can go see her in the NICU as soon as your doctor clears you to get out of bed." Derek replied. "Riley mentioned that she was very excited to meet Mommy."

Addison couldn't help but smile at the comment. "She mentioned it to you, huh?"

"Yup. We had a long talk last night, got to know each other. It was good." After a long pause Derek looked up and met Addison's eyes. "Addison, when did the pain start?"

"I don't know."

"Addison…"

"I woke up with pressure in my lower back. I didn't think anything of it but then I started having contractions before the surgery. I figured it was braxton hicks at first but it got worse during surgery so at that point I knew but I had to finish the procedure so I continued. I couldn't walk out and tell that mother that her child died on the table because of me. It probably wasn't my best idea considering that my daughter may die because of it now."

"She's not going to die. But the first month or two may be difficult. She'll have to be in the NICU for a while until she is stably breathing on her own. That may give us enough time to get her nursery done. I still haven't had a chance to paint the room."

"Don't worry, Derek, you should not have to feel obligated to us. I'll hire someone to get it all done. Painting, assembling the crib and the rocking chair and changing table and all that. I don't want you to feel obligated to do any of it."

"I don't feel obligated." he informed her. "I know you think this is just me doing the right thing but its not. I'm not doing the right thing. I don't even want to think about doing the right thing right now."

"Derek, what are you talking about?"

"The right thing to do right now, that would be divorce. We should separate and we should be adult about it, share custody, remain amicable and raise Riley together, make sure she knows that we both love her. That's the right thing to do. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do the right thing."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to get divorced. I may not know how to express it it but I love you and I love our daughter. I want to be a family. I know it won't be easy, we're probably going to fight all the time about everything. It may take time before we are stable but none of that matters to me. I just know that when I picture my life in 5 years, 10 years, even 50 years, you're always the one beside me. I don't want to know what life would be like if we were apart."

"You're not just saying this because I gave birth to your child last night?"

"No, I'm not saying that just saying all of this because you're the mother of my child. You will always be the mother of my child, that won't change if we separate. I've just had some time to realize exactly what you mean to me and I really don't want to lose you. I know it's hard but I need you to believe me when I tell you I love you. I know it'll take a while to build your trust but take my word on just that one that, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

"Can you wait out here for a second?" Derek asked. "I want to go tell Riley that you're here to see her. We don't want her to caught off guard."

Addison nodded her head in agreement. She thought it was sweet that he believed their two day old infant had such an advanced realm of understanding. He repeatedly reasoned that it was possible, considering she was their daughter.

"Hi, sweetheart." Derek said softly as he stepped closer to his tiny daughter. "Guess what? Mommy is outside waiting to meet you. I am about to go get her. You are going to love her. She's going to be a great mom. Just make sure to be nice, okay? You've been doing very well. Don't randomly go into respiratory distress and scare Mommy."

He felt his daughter squeeze his finger and nodded. "Good, glad you understand. I'll be right back. I'm gonna get her."

Derek stepped outside and smiled at Addison who was patiently waiting in a wheelchair. He wheeled her inside and navigated her toward their daughter's isolette. "Riley, this is Mommy." he introduced as Addison stuck her hand in through the hole to touch the baby.

"She's so little." Addison whispered. "I wasn't expecting her to be this small. Is she okay?"

"She was born at 4.3 pounds, she's at 4.1 right now. As you know, it's normal to lose wait the first few days after birth. She'll start gaining in no time." He assured her, repeating the words of his daughter's doctor.

"She's got a great grip." Addison whispered after feeling her daughter squeeze her index finger tightly. "She's triggering the vent on her own. She's breathing on her own, Derek. That's good."

Derek couldn't help but smile after seeing his wife excitement. "She'll be home before you know it, Ad." Derek told her reassuringly, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Hi, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." a nurse greeted as she stepped into the room to check on the infants. She recieved a small smile in response. "Riley is doing very well, especially considering she's barely two days old. Would you like to hold her?"

"I can hold her?" Addison asked in amazement.

"Yes, of course. I was just coming to take her off the vent. The order just came from her doctor. Have some skin to skin contact will do this little one some good." the answered as she removed the ventilator from over the baby's nose and mouth, allowing Addison to see the baby's face fully for the first time. She automatically smiled, taking in the little girl's features.

"She's got your lips, Ad. Did you see that?" Derek asked her as the nurse lifted the baby out of the isolette and carefully passed her into Addison's arms.

Addison slowly nodded her head in response to Derek but she was focused on her daughter who was wiggling around to get settled in her arm. The feeling mesmerized her, it suddenly hit her that she was now a mother to a child she and Derek created. "She's amazing." she whispered to no one in particular.

* * *

Riley was released from the hospital 5 days later. Derek safely strapped the baby into the car seat as Addison's stood back and watched. She had been discharged from the hospital 4 days earlier, she had recovered much faster than she thought she would and she had to credit that fact to her daughter. Even after Addison was discharged she and Derek still came to the hospital daily to see their daughter and spend time with her. She hated leaving the little girl at nights and couldn't wait to get up the next morning to get back to the nursery. She hoped she'd continue to be so mobile and active after her daughter was home.

"Okay, kiddo, you're all strapped in." Derek told the baby, explaining everything to her as he did it as if she could understand. "Ready to go? I stayed up really late working on final touches in your room. I think you're really going to like it." he said, tucking a thin pink and white blanket in around his daughter so she could stay warm in the air conditioned building.

"Derek, she's 7 days old. She can't understand you." Addison told him with a chuckle, straightening the blanket around their daughter.

"You're a neonatologist. You should know that its comforting to babies to hear their parents' voices." he replied. "Mommy's just jealous that we have more to talk about." he told her daughter seriously as he carried the car seat through the halls. He stopped when he reached the lobby and set the car seat down on a chair in the waiting area by the sliding doors.

"Derek?" Addison asked, lifting a confused brow when she saw him set the car seat down. "Everything okay?"

"Okay, Riley, we're about to leave the hospital and go outside. The outside world is kind of scary. The hospital is kind of a safe place for me and Mommy. Lots of really bad and scary things happen in the outside world. But Mommy and I are here to protect you, okay? We won't ever let anything or anyone hurt you." he assured the infant, bending over just enough to kiss her crown of her head over the little hat Addison had dressed her in. "Right, Mommy?" he turned to her and asked.

"Right." she agreed with a smile.

"And there is one more thing I have to warn you about. Mommy and I are probably going to argue a lot. Probably over everything. But thats just because we really love one another. Bickering and arguing means we are communicating."

"Right, when you don't hear arguing that's when you need to worry." Addison added

* * *

After a brief three week maternity and paternity leave, Addison and Derek returned to work. Their day started with a 7:00 am morning meeting which did nothing but annoy Derek.

"Who has meetings at 7 in the morning?" he complained as he walked in behind Addison with the baby in his arms.

Addison rolled her eyes and continued shaking the bottle of formula in her hand. "You've been bitching about it for an hour and half. I think you whined more than Riley." she replied as she took in seat in her usual spot and handed over the bottle to her husband after he got settled in the seat beside her.

"I'm just saying that it's moments like this that I'm sure we're making the right decision." Derek murmured, lowering his voice when he noticed his superior stepping into the room.

"Shepherds, welcome back." She greeted "...You brought your child."

"Daycare does not open until 8:00." Addison replied. "Plus Derek doesn't believe in letting her out of our sight so even if it was open she'd probably still be here with us."

"Well he doesn't do much anyway so he can go sit with her in daycare or he can watch her while he does Suduko in his office." Ellis replied. "Alright, shall we get started? Anyone want to go first?"

Derek cleared his throat. "Why don't you go to Mommy and she'll feed you?" he murmured to his daughter, taking the bottle from her mouth to pass her into Addison's arms. The baby instantly started whimpering as soon as the bottle was taken from her mouth but stopped once she was settled in her mother's arms and her bottled was returned. Meanwhile Derek removed a sealed envelope from the pocket of his buttoned lab coat. He slid it across the table and took a deep breath to brace himself. "That's my letter of resignation, I'm giving two weeks notice."

"Montgomery?" Ellis asked, glancing at Addison for commentary.

That's when Derek slipped a second envelope out of his pocket and pushed that one beside the one already resting on the table.

"You can't be serious." Ellis groaned.

"We're moving back to New York. Addison's contract here expired last week and she has not resigned and mine was up over a month before hers." Derek continued explained. "It was a mutual decision. We believe that this is what is best for our daughter and for us. We both own very successful practices in New York and they are being runned by other doctors. We had to go back at some point. It has its benefits. We'll be able to set our own hours."

"You are surgeons." Ellis reminded them.

"We're parents first." Addison replied. "And we'll still be surgeons. We've got rights at Mount Sinai and New York Pres. We would still do surgery. We just wouldn't do it as often as we would if we were to stay here."

"You're sure about this?"

Derek and Addison briefly made eye contact and both slightly nodded their heads. "We're sure." they both said at once.

* * *

Three weeks later Derek and Addison sat in her family's private jet to return to New York. Addison knew flying with a baby was troublesome and she did not want to drug her daughter with Benedryl like most parents. She figured it would be best for everyone involved to avoid crowded planes. Just like she guessed, Riley screamed through all of take off, she screamed at every bout of turbulence and by the time the plane started to descend she had officially run out of tears but kept screaming.

"We should have drugged her. I know I was against it before but now I totally understand why parents do it." Derek murmured under his breath tiredly. He and Addison had tried everything to calm their daughter but nothing worked. They paced back and forth from one end of the plane to the other. They tried letting her watch her favorite Baby Einstein DVD, they tried feeding her and talking to her but nothing worked.

"Benadryl can have the opposite effect, you know? It puts some kids to sleep but it keeps others up."

"Well she stayed up anyway so we have nothing to lose." Derek pointed out. "I don't even know if we're really having a conversation. This could be in my head. I may be deaf from the screaming."

As plane taxied at the airport to be prepped for unloading, the couple turned to each other in surprise at the sudden silence. "Is she sleeping or did she cry herself to death?" Addison asked unsurely, getting up from her seat to check on her daughter who was secured in her car seat. "She's sleeping! She's actually asleep!"

"Sure, we touch the ground and she falls asleep." Derek murmured tiredly. They had chosen to fly through the night with hopes that their daughter would sleep through the flight and allow them to sleep as well. Things did not go according to that plan.

Addison fell back in her seat beside Derek and sighed tiredly. "Silence." she whispered, "Oh, look the sun is coming up. I haven't seen a New York sunrise in forever." she said while glancing out the window of the plane.

"It think it's a sign. Not that I believe in signs but as soon as we land she stops crying. She obviously knows that we're home and she's safe now."

"Home." Addison repeated, testing the word out. She had tried to feel at home in Seattle but it did not work well. She always felt out of place and unwanted. Being back in New York definitely gave her a sense of comfort in familiarity.

* * *

~Four Years Later~

"How is the baby doing?" Derek asked his wife, doing his best to ignore the incessant beeping in order to stabilize the woman lying on his table.

"You need to find the source of the bleeding and stop it, Derek. This baby is not viable and I do not want to approach this woman and her family looking like a beached whale and tell them that their baby died." she told him sternly. In reality she did not look like a beached whale, she was only 13 weeks pregnant and there was no visible proof of the life she had inside of her. That was not to say that she didn't feel like she was suddenly weighed a metric ton.

"The fact that my wife is nagging me in my OR..." he trailed off and quietly focused on the operation. "I got it." he murmured seconds before the beeping stopped to signify a normal heart rhythm.

"Great." She smiled behind her surgical mask. "Okay, so as I was saying, I need you to come with me to meet with the president of the board of 92nd Street Y."

Derek briefly glanced up to meet her eyes before groaning. "Addison..."

"Derek, we've been through this once already. This is the Harvard of pre-schools." she reminded him.

"I realize that but we got Riley in, didn't we? We showed up, acted like our usual charming selves and she was in."

"We went the day after we moved to New York, got on the waiting list and she started school 3 years later. It would have been four if it wasn't for the sizable donation we made that year. I want to know that Christopher has a spot secured as soon as he's old enough to start school."

"Do we really need to talk about this right now? I'm operating on this woman's spine. One wrong move and she could be paralyzed."

"We both know you're experienced enough to carry out conversation during surgery. You just don't want to talk about it so my pregnancy brain can kick in and I'll forget then you won't have to go." she shot back with an eye roll.

"You're 13 weeks pregnant. We have time before we have to sign _her_ up for anything."

Addison shook her head, glancing back at her intern when she heard her cell phone go off.

"Its the ER, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. Incoming; ETA is four minutes." the lanky intern informed her after reading the message on her phone.

"Griffiths, come watch this monitor and page OB the second you see signs of distress." she ordered the intern, vacating the stool for him to take over. She turned her attention back to Derek. "The meeting is today at 3:00. You better be there."

"Yes, dear." he gave in, knowing that there was no way he would be able to win this one.

"Perfect, see you there." Addison left the room with a satisfactory grin on her face.

"Do you argue over everything?" the anesthesiologist found himself asking. "Anytime I've ever worked with the both of you together you're always bickering about something. I'm surprised you got along and agreed long enough to conceive another child."

"Bickering and arguing is the foundation of our relationship. When we're not nagging each other then there is a problem. She says something, I try to disagree, we try to prove the other wrong then I do what she wants. That's our cycle."

"And you're happy with that?"

Derek couldn't help but laugh. "If I were not completely happy with my relationship do you really think I'd bother enrolling a 3 month old fetus in pre-school?"

* * *

So I was about to post this 30 minutes ago then I decided to delete the ending and write a new one. I seem to do that a lot lately. Let me know if you spot a typo. I proofread twice but I may have missed a few. I seem to do that a lot too.

Sorry for the delay. I hope you like Part 2 of my very AU version of the AU episode. Be sure to review and let me know what you think. :D


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